How to thank a connector

Thank a connector twice. Once right after the intro, and again when you know how it turned out. The second thank-you is the one almost nobody sends, and it's the one that gets you the next intro.

A warm intro costs your connector something. They put their name on your message. Treat it like the favor it is.

The first thank-you

Send it the same day the intro happens. Short and specific.

Not "thanks so much!" Something that shows you know what they did. "Thanks for sending my note along to your old boss. I know you two go back years, and I'll make sure it's worth her time."

That last part matters. It tells the connector you understand their credibility is on the line and you'll protect it.

Take it off their plate

Once the buyer replies, thank the connector and move them to bcc. Don't keep them on a long back-and-forth they didn't sign up for.

And don't make them chase. If the buyer doesn't reply to the intro, don't ask your connector to nudge. Follow up with the buyer yourself, once, with something useful. The connector's job was the introduction, not the follow-through.

The second thank-you

This one comes later. Weeks, sometimes months. When you've had the meeting, or the deal moved, or it didn't.

Tell them what happened. "We met last week. Turns out the real issue wasn't the reporting system, it was the data coming in from the plants. We're scoping a small project now. Thanks again for making it happen."

Connectors want to know how it went. They made a small bet on you. Closing the loop tells them the bet was worth making.

Send it when it didn't go anywhere too. "We talked, and the timing isn't right for them. I learned a lot about where they're headed. Appreciate you making the intro." A connector who never hears back assumes the worst. A connector who hears a clean, honest update trusts you more.

When it turns into work

If the intro becomes an engagement, tell them plainly. That's the outcome they'd most want to hear about.

Should you pay a referral fee? Sometimes. With partner firms, a fee or a reciprocal referral arrangement is normal and expected. With former colleagues and clients, money can make the favor feel transactional. Use judgment, and ask when you're not sure.

A gift can work when it's modest and personal. A book they'd like. A good bottle. Lunch. Nothing that looks like payment for access, and nothing that could create a problem for someone in a regulated job or at a company with gift rules.

Pay it forward

The best thank-you is an intro back. Watch for chances to help your connector. A candidate for a role they're hiring. A potential client for their firm. A person they'd want to know.

Do it without keeping score. People who make intros tend to make them for people who make intros. You want to be in that group.

I wrote about how to ask in the first place in the forwardable note, line by line. The ask and the thanks are two halves of the same relationship.

What not to do

Don't thank them only when you need the next intro. A thank-you bundled with a new request reads as the toll for the next favor.

Don't overdo it. A long, gushing note makes a simple favor feel heavy.

And don't disappear. The connector who never hears back is the connector who says no next time.

Thank them twice, keep them posted, and send something their way. That's how one intro turns into a network that keeps opening doors.