When not to ask for an intro

Warm before cold is the right default. But a warm intro spends someone else's credibility, and there are times the ask costs more than it's worth.

Knowing when not to ask protects your network. It's what keeps people willing to say yes the next time.

When the connection is thin

A second-degree connection on LinkedIn isn't a relationship. Your contact might have accepted a request from the buyer after a conference years ago and never spoken since.

Before you ask, ask yourself something simpler. Would your connector recognize the buyer's name in their inbox? If not, the intro will be awkward for them and weak for you. A forwarded note from someone the buyer barely knows carries little more weight than a cold message.

Check first. "How well do you know her?" is a fine question to ask your connector before the real ask. If the answer is "we met once," go direct.

When you have nothing specific to say

An intro request needs a reason. Not "I'd like to meet the CIO." A hypothesis about their problem, written so your connector can forward it without explaining.

If you haven't done the research, you're asking your connector to vouch for a vague pitch. That's a bad trade for them. Do the 3x3 first. If the research doesn't turn up a reason to talk now, the intro can wait.

The note itself matters. I covered how to write it in the forwardable note, line by line.

When the timing hurts the connector

Some moments are bad for the person you're asking. They just joined a new company and are still finding their footing. They're in the middle of a sale to the same buyer. They're on their way out of the company where the buyer works.

And some moments are bad for the relationship between them. If your connector and the buyer just had a falling out, or one of them just let the other's firm go, your ask lands in the middle of something you can't see.

You won't always know. So make it easy to decline. "No pressure if the timing's off," said plainly, lets them say no without explaining.

When you've asked recently

Your network is a budget. Every ask draws it down, and every good outcome puts some back.

If you asked the same person for an intro last month and haven't reported back on how it went, don't ask again. Close the loop on the first one. Tell them what happened, thank them, and wait before the next request.

The same goes for asking one connector for several intros at once. Two is a lot. Five is a list, and it makes the connector feel like a lead source.

When going direct is better

Sometimes the direct message is the stronger move. A buyer who's new in their seat and openly looking for outside perspective will often read a well-researched cold note on its own merits.

And when the buyer is asking for input in public, posting about a problem and inviting responses, an intro adds a step for no reason. Answer the post with something useful, then follow up directly.

Going direct isn't a failure of the warm approach. It's the right call when the warm path is weak.

When the client is unhappy

Never ask a current client for an intro when the work is struggling. They won't say no to your face, but they'll remember you asked. And their intro, if they make it, will come with a hesitation the buyer can hear.

Fix the work. Ask later.

An intro is a favor that puts someone else's name on your message. Ask when it helps both of you and you'll keep getting yeses for years.