Double opt-in intros done right

A double opt-in intro means your connector asks the buyer first, and only connects you if the buyer says yes. It's slower by a day or two. It's worth it.

The alternative is the surprise intro. Someone drops your name and the buyer's into one email and walks away. The buyer didn't ask for it, now feels obliged to respond, and the connector has spent some of their goodwill without asking.

Why it works

Everyone stays in control. The buyer chooses. The connector looks thoughtful instead of pushy. And you get a meeting with someone who said yes, not someone who felt cornered.

Senior buyers get a lot of surprise intros. They notice the difference. A connector who asks first earns trust, and that trust carries over to you.

The three steps

First, you ask the connector. Short, specific, easy to decline. Tell them who you want to meet and why it matters to the buyer, not to you.

Second, the connector forwards a note to the buyer and asks if they're open to it. This is the step people skip. Write that note yourself so the connector only has to hit forward.

Third, if the buyer says yes, the connector makes the intro, and you take it from there fast.

Write the forwardable note

This is where intros live or die. A connector won't write a paragraph for you. They'll forward something that's already good.

Keep it to four or five sentences. Who you are in one line. What you noticed at their company. The problem you suspect they might have. Why a short conversation could help. A clear way to say no.

Say you want to reach the new head of digital at a regional bank, and a former colleague worked with her for years. The note your colleague forwards might read like this.

I spent several years working with the founder of a services firm that builds digital banking platforms, and I'd vouch for him. He noticed you've stepped into the digital role just as the bank is hiring for a mobile replatform, and his guess is the timeline is tighter than the team size. He'd value 20 minutes to compare notes. No pressure either way. Just tell me and I'll pass along your answer.

It's in the connector's voice. It carries a real hypothesis. And it gives the buyer an easy no.

Don't make the connector chase

Give them a clean exit. If the buyer doesn't answer, the connector shouldn't have to follow up twice. Tell them up front that one forward is plenty.

If the buyer says no, thank the connector and move on. Don't ask them to try again. Don't ask why. A no protects the connector's relationship, and you'll need that relationship again.

When the intro lands

Reply within the day. Move the connector to bcc in your first response so they're not stuck in a thread. Thank them by name in the first line.

Then send a real first message. Restate the hypothesis in a sentence or two, propose two times, and keep it short. The buyer already agreed to talk. Don't make them read a pitch.

After the meeting, tell the connector how it went. It takes a minute and it's how you get the next intro.

What to avoid

Don't send the connector a vague request about whether they know anyone at the company. Name the person.

Don't write the forwardable note like a sales email. If it reads like marketing, the connector won't send it, or the buyer will see through it.

Don't attach a deck. A connector forwarding a deck feels like they're doing your marketing. Keep it to text.

And don't skip the warm path to save a day. Cold outreach to a buyer you could have reached through a friend is a missed chance, and you only get one first impression.

The connector is the asset

Every intro draws on someone's credibility. Double opt-in is how you spend it carefully. Connectors who feel respected say yes again. Connectors who get burned by a surprise intro that went badly stop answering.

Warm before cold. Double opt-in is how warm stays warm. For the ask itself, read how to ask for an intro people actually forward.