Who should ask, the founder or the seller

The person who owns the relationship asks. Not the person who owns the quota.

That sounds obvious. In practice, founders and sellers get it wrong in both directions every week.

Why it matters who asks

A warm intro runs on trust between the connector and the person asking. The connector is lending their name. They do it for people they know, like and believe will make them look good.

If a seller the connector has never met asks for an intro "on behalf of" the founder, the connector's trust doesn't transfer. It feels like a sales process using their name. Some will say yes out of politeness. Many will quietly not forward it.

If the founder asks a connector who barely knows them but knows the seller well, the same thing happens in reverse.

When the founder should ask

The founder asks when the relationship is theirs. Former colleagues, old clients, investors, board members, friends from the industry. Those people said yes to the founder's calls for years. They'll forward a note from the founder without thinking twice.

The founder asks when the stakes are high. A big account, a senior buyer, a connector who is very senior themselves. Founder to senior connector to senior buyer is a clean line.

And the founder asks when the firm is small and the founder is the brand. In a ten-person firm, buyers expect to deal with the founder anyway.

When the seller should ask

The seller asks when the relationship is theirs. Sellers come with networks too. Their own former colleagues, past clients and peers. Those intros belong to them.

The seller asks when they'll run the deal. If the seller will be in every meeting, the connector should know them from the start. A founder who makes the ask and then hands off immediately leaves the connector wondering who they just vouched for.

And the seller asks when the founder's network is getting worn. Founders who make every ask burn through goodwill fast. The firm needs more than one network working.

Sometimes the founder knows the connector and the seller will run the deal. Then the founder makes the ask and names the seller in it.

Something like "I'd like to introduce our head of sales, who'll lead this. Would you be open to forwarding a short note from us?" The connector says yes to the founder and meets the seller in the same breath.

Then the founder stays in the thread long enough to make it feel warm, and the seller takes it from there.

The connector should never be surprised by who shows up next. If the founder asks and the seller follows, say so in the ask. Surprises are what make connectors stop forwarding.

Write the note for the person asking

Whoever asks, the forwarded note should sound like them. A founder's note can be more personal. A seller's note should be just as specific but leaves out history the seller doesn't share.

Both should be short, name what you noticed about the buyer's company and offer a guess at the problem. The post on how to ask for an intro people forward covers the structure.

The trap for founders

Founders tend to hold onto intro asks long after they should let go. It feels safer. They know the network. They don't trust the seller to handle it.

But a firm where only the founder can open doors can't grow past the founder's calendar. The post on founder-led sales covers when to hand off.

Let sellers ask in their own networks. Coach them on the note. And save your own asks for the relationships that really are yours.

Ask from the relationship, not the role. The connector should always be hearing from someone they know. That's what makes the intro warm in the first place.